Domestic violence adversely affects not only the primary victim in the household but tragically the children in the family as well.

Domestic violence takes many forms including physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, and abuse to property and pets. Exposure to these forms of violence is always traumatic and is frequently perceived as life threatening by victims and the children of women victims of domestic violence. Domestic violence can leave children with a sense of vulnerability and helplessness and has a profound negative affect on these children whether or not they are the direct victims of the abuse.

Physical abuse of course includes pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, using an object to strike and use of a weapon.

Sexual abuse is any kind of unwanted sexual intimacy forced on one individual by another. It may include oral, anal, or vaginal stimulation or penetration, forced nudity or any other unwanted sexual activity.

Psychological abuse may include derogatory statements or threats of further abuse and death threats. This type of abuse can take place behind the closed doors of a home or in public. It may also involve isolation, economic threats, and any other kind of emotional abuse.

Domestic violence is widespread and occurs among all socioeconomic groups. In a national survey of over 6,000 American families, it was estimated that between 53% and 70% of male batterers also frequently abused their children. Other research suggests that women who have been hit by their husbands were twice as likely to abuse their children. It is estimated that over 3 million children are at risk of exposure to parental violence each year. Children from homes where domestic violence occurs are physically or sexually abused and/or seriously neglected at a rate 15 times the national average.

Approximately, 45% to 70% of women victims of domestic violence who are residing in shelters have reported the presence of child abuse in their home. Approximately two-thirds of abused children are being parented by battered women who are three times more likely to have been abused by their fathers. It has been further estimated that about 1 in 5 female children and 1 in 10 male children may experience sexual molestation.

As the incidence of domestic violence grows in our society, so does the need for investigation of the consequences of domestic violence especially in children.

Traumatic stress is produced by exposure to events that are so extreme or severe and threatening, that they demand extraordinary efforts to cope. Such events are often unpredicted and uncontrollable. They overwhelm a person's sense of safety and security.

Traumatic exposure may take the form of single, short-term event such as rape, assault and beating. Traumatic events can also involve repeated or prolonged exposure such as child sexual abuse and battering. For these reasons the role of organizations like Turning The Corner is vital in helping to assure that victims of domestic violence are helped to leave the abusive relationship permanently.

Studies show that approximately 85% of the women who leave domestic violence relationships return to that relationship. All too often people assume that women stay or return to domestic violence relationships because they have low self-esteem. However, the reasons women stay or return is far more complicated than the strength of the woman's character. A significant proportion of women who return to the partner violence relationship attribute their inability to deal with their finances as a major contributing factor, which is often enhanced by the fact that the abuser often has all of the economic and social standing. This is where Turning The Corner plays such a vital role in helping women survivors of domestic violence to leave the abusive relationship and not return.

Research shows that more than half of the school-age children in domestic violence shelters show clinical levels of anxiety or posttraumatic stress disorder. Without treatment, these children are at significant risk for delinquency, substance abuse, school dropout, and difficulties in their own relationships. Accordingly it is essential that women survivors of domestic violence and their children do not return to the domestic violence relationship.

Children may exhibit a wide range of reactions to exposure to domestic violence in their home. Younger children often do not understand the meaning of the abuse they observe or are themselves the victims of and tend to believe that they "must have done something wrong." Self-blame can precipitate feelings of guilt, worry, and anxiety. It is important to consider that children, especially younger children, typically do not have the ability to adequately express their feelings verbally. Consequently, the manifestation of these emotions is often behavioral. Children may become withdrawn, non-verbal, and exhibit regressed behaviors such as clinging and whining. Eating and sleeping difficulty, concentration problems, generalized anxiety, and physical complaints such as headaches are all common manifestations in children who have been exposed to domestic violence.

Unlike younger children, pre-adolescent children typically have a greater ability to verbalize negative emotions. In addition to symptoms commonly seen with childhood anxiety such as sleep problems, eating disturbance and nightmares, victims within this age group may show a loss of interest in social activities, low self esteem, withdrawal or avoidance of peer relations, rebelliousness and oppositional-defiant behavior at school. As well, temper tantrums, irritability, frequent fighting at school or between siblings, lashing out at objects, treating pets cruelly or abusively, threatening of peers or siblings with violence, and attempts to gain attention through hitting, kicking, or choking peers and/or family members is also common.

Adolescents are at risk of academic failure, school dropout, delinquency, and substance abuse.

For some children dealing with domestic violence in their homes may be confusing, especially if the child has been "warned" or threatened by the perpetrator (and frequently the victim) about "talking to strangers" about the occurrence of domestic violence in their homes.

Teachers, school administrators and other responsible adults who are in a position to help need to be keenly aware and available if a child should express a desire to talk. It is essential to give these victims of domestic violence an opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings openly.

In addition to talking these children should be encouraged to write in a journal, draw, or paint as a way to express themselves.

Adolescents are typically more abstract in their thinking and generally have better verbal abilities than younger children. Adults who work with teenagers should be available to encourage them to talk about their experience. Listening in a warm, non-judgmental and genuine manner is often comforting for victims of domestic violence. When it's appropriate individual and/or group counseling should be considered at school if the child is willing. Referrals for family counseling outside of the school should be made to the family as well.

Every effort must be made to separate women survivors of domestic violence and their children from the abusive relationship and keep them from returning to it. Turning The Corner's landmark “The Business of Me” program is one essential tool that can help women overcome their fears of financial insecurity, often a major factor in the survivors' decision to return to the domestic violence relationship.

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Or contact Nancy Salamone at Turning The Corner

About Nancy Salamone
Nancy Salamone is founder of N.A.S. Associates, Inc. a financial services organization that delivers financial management solutions for mid-size and large companies and individual clients. N.A..S. Associates has a unique specialty-women's financial issues, particularly the fears that most women harbor about their ability to handle their personal finances.

Ms. Salamone's previous corporate career includes twenty years at major New York City insurance and financial companies. She rose to the rank of vice president of marketing. She managed corporate budgets in excess of $20 million. But for most of her life, whenever she had to balance her own checkbook, she froze, terrorized. Although she was her household's wage earner, she turned over her entire paycheck to her husband, who retained tight control over all family finances. Although she regularly advised huge corporations how, why, and when to spend their money, she could not imagine how she could manage her money on her own.

Finally, in late 1991, Ms. Salamone found the courage to leave her abusive husband and to "turn the corner" - to face her fears of money and to take responsibility for her own finances. Today, Ms. Salamone is a Chartered Life Underwriter and a lecturer at the Center for Financial Studies in New York and at New York University . She has served on the board of directors of the Society of Financial Service Professionals. She has learned to balance her checkbook, and is committed to using what she knows to help other women overcome their fears of managing their money.

Nancy is the Founder and President of Turning The Corner and the developer of Turning The Corner's landmark national program " The Business of Me ". The “Business of Me” program is designed to help women achieve personal financial health and independence, putting them in control of their own money. To support the work of Turning The Corner you can click this link: help us help end domestic violence or contact Nancy Salamone at Turning The Corner . Thank you for your support. It is essential to Turning The Corner and makes our work possible.

Learn more about The Business of Me .

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